| bluebird, don't sing that song |
[18 Jul 2008|05:35pm] |
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whenever i'm nervous/sad/excited/scared any sort of emotion i take it all out on my fingernails.
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| Your heart is a grave to be perfectly honest. |
[17 Jul 2008|01:28am] |
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..
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| I don't want to be pregnant.. |
[15 Jul 2008|07:40pm] |
but having to take a pill every-single-day gets really annoying. Why can't there be a birth control pill like the FDA approved once-a-month version of the osteoporosis drug Boniva? Isn't preventing pregnancy more important than brittle bones? Okay maybe not, to each their own. But w/e you medical motherfuckers get to crackin'
Also : short hair is fun, I love photo ops with baby Britney Spears, my mom bought mike and ike popsicles that are delicious, the new TRASH TALK is fucking GOOD especially "Birth Plague Die" with the infamous BARK, my feet are covered in mosquito bites and since my body sucks I've had an allergic reaction and had to drench my body in solarcaine while using frozen vegetables as an ice pack, bottled water is still the bomb, I hate Buffalo Exchange Plutos Closet etc they're all ripoffs, listen to the song "Bottom of the World - Emily Haines" and try not to relate it to a friend who did you dirty.
BYE.
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[11 Jul 2008|12:29am] |
If loves so easy, why is it hard
I can't imagine ever being apart
I'll come back to you
It'd be brand new
dead on.
boyfriend will be on tour for the next 9-10 weeks hopefully he will bring back lots of presents. i'm broke and my skin looks shitty and broken out i can't sleep i might just go lick the frosting of a cupcake. my real dad offered for me to move to japan and live for free.. but as exciting as that sounds i'm a human who doesn't adapt very well to change. in other news i think i have successfully become the grossest human being ever now that i have developed an allergic reaction to my deodorant (which is hypoallergenic..) so now i just scratch my pits all day and complain about being hot. i finished reading "Paint it black" and the ending was so anti-climatic that i just wanted to kill myself.
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[25 Jun 2008|07:13am] |
ugh
everybody is so full of themselves, me included. how did this happen?
last night my wisdom teeth kept cutting into my jaw and i was cranky and crampy ended up being really fucking mean on the phone with my boyfriend. ugh.. why are girls programed to be such bitches? i apologized (which is extremely difficult borderline impossible for me to do) but i know he's still upset. and now not excited to come to my house this weekend, at all. wajoiajoaijaaaa oh well mistakes what'chu'gun'doooooooooooooo
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[19 Jun 2008|08:32pm] |
"energy red, fifties pink, pink posy, watermelon.." i paused waiting for your reaction. you smile and shrug "pink is pink right?" i shuffle the stack of paint samples in my hands and turn to the color yellow taking a deep breathe. "mango sherbet, chinese coral, gypsy queen, strawflower, tangelo," i pause taking a deep breath "and this one is called nectarine fizz. oo i like that name!"
awkward, cumbersome, and unhip. my ankles are weak, i get blisters within three minutes of wearing anything other than a sneaker or a sandal. i have to coat my curls with silicone just to prevent frizz and it takes me ten minutes just to do my eyelashes because i must curl-coat-comb repeat obsessively. i am far from perfect with a few speed bumps on the way. and for some reason i can't help but be bothered by the way i look in photographs. but it's okay because being nineteen and your only motivation in life to do laundry is that you don't want to wear "the ugly underwear" is something, it's nothing that will move mountains but it's a reminder that even if my mind feels old i'm still a teenager underneath it all.
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[19 Jun 2008|11:59am] |
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So last night I guess my mom finally hit "rock bottom" and this morning I woke up and saw her beer cans and vodka bottles lined up around the kitchen sink and around her bed. For once her finance (Tom) decided not to clean up her mess so she'd finally wake up and see the damage. Tom and I spoke briefly today and he basically said if my mom doesn't quit this time then he's leaving. Just please let something good happen I'm getting so exhausted and starting to lose myself in this mess. She's becoming everything she hated. This is too unreal.
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| "love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea" -henry fielding |
[12 Jun 2008|09:24pm] |
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The only underwear that currently fit me are the sling-shot-elastic-waste-band HANES un-sexy Walmart kind. I haven't even slipped into a pair of my expensive lace undies. Evidence that eating ice cream everyday goes straight to your ass.
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[11 Jun 2008|07:40am] |
fuck having a job that you absolutely hate
fuck having to wake up at 7 a.m
fuck having a mom that can never stay sober
fuck going to school to become a drug & alcohol counseling when my owm mother is a rotten drunk
fuck them telling us we're moving AGAIN
fuck having a boyfriend that will leave me for a month and a half to tour with his band..
fuck this heatwave
fuck not having my little red monte carlo
fuck not finding a good fuck
fuck always having to be so strong
fuck being told i'm "too negative"
i feel like giving up.
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| lollll |
[10 Jun 2008|03:39pm] |
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| The windows were covered with foil, the doors padlocked. |
[04 Jun 2008|07:01pm] |
I did it..
I look like an entirely different human.. thanks for the humidity Delaware!
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[31 May 2008|11:05pm] |
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note to self : never online shop while drunk
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[30 May 2008|05:21pm] |
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i guess my jokes aren't that funny anymore.. i feel like i've been clashing with everybody this week. my mom, my friends, my boyfriend. i bet i have somehow pissed my dog off, i just want to eat some ice cream and in between gooey spoonfuls cry while reading the new issue of nylon. yurrrrrrrghjfdoisjoij
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| more pma less pms |
[29 May 2008|03:02pm] |
She said look at me, and look at you.
I said I'll do that but I don't want to
can't we just be friends? This seems to never end.
Spent all day scrubbing floors and feeling bad
Re-reading old letters that always make me sad..
It's this time of year. That always gets me down.
When I had so much to keep me occupied, but knowing you I'll just let it slide.
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I hate when the weather gets hot it means you'll be leaving me in a few weeks. In other news I'm chopping all my hair off next week! I'm trying not to be such a negative nancy but I guess I'm not doing a very good job.
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[26 May 2008|09:03pm] |
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my mom moved back home.. what a weekend.
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[25 May 2008|12:41pm] |
i bought a book called 'stalking the soul' it's all about the history of emotional abuse and how it is not as visible as physical abuse, it is equally violent and perhaps even more widespread. the author considers it a 'virtual murder of the soul' i think that maybe be a bit extreme but i like reading it. my allergies/sinuses are making me miserable i really want to get a neti-pot :
http://www.oprah.com/health/oz/oz_20070426_350_106.jhtml
~they sell them at walmart~
maybe i'll just dismember my head, i'm feeling so braindead.
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| But you know I'm not such a bad seed. |
[24 May 2008|01:59pm] |
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i think my head is infected with sinuses i need to take a shower.. i think my best friend hates me. i want to get a job at starbucks or cliniqu or something different, this kind of tension makes my head hurt. please tell my car to get better :(
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[21 May 2008|12:26am] |
get down
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| your skin taste much better with aging not sweet like it was back in our Sunday school. |
[19 May 2008|08:49pm] |
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My car is dead-dying or something this makes me more depressed than usual.. I finally cleaned the toilet and my room and so the house almost looks like people live here, I miss Matt terribly indescribably it's only been three weeks and I'll see him in two days but the homestretch is always the hardest. Summer's coming I wish I had a fucking SWEET 16.
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[16 May 2008|05:23pm] |
i listen to the same bad brains song every day while i brush my teeth.
i still pray at night that my mom will find happiness.
i wish on those dying dandelions hoping one day my life will change drastically for the better.
i miss my dog and when i do get to see him i feed him cheese sticks.
my older brother is still the only person i have ever truly admired.
i eat handfuls of skittles and floss immediately afterwards.
i try to be a good person but sometimes i feel like the battle is getting much harder.
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i had a dream last night that i pissed on somebody's honda and they took me to jail.
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honeybeess's journal